Luke’s-ing the Beast in the Eye: ED’s Dirty Dozen – A Litany of Lies Two Years On

By Luke Tamborinyoka

Wednesday, 27 August 2025

Two years ago, under the cover of a Harare midnight, Zimbabwe experienced the shortest electoral orgasm in history.

In a breathtakingly brazen 360 seconds, the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (ZEC) mumbled a prayer, offered scant remarks, and announced pilfered presidential results. It was a gargantuan sham, a monumental caricature of a credible election, over before a nation could even gasp.

SADC, which Emmerson Mnangagwa chaired until recently, saw it for the fraud it was, issuing a damning report that condemned the poll. But on 4 September 2023, at a coronation snubbed by regional peers and resembling a robbers’ conference, a forlorn ED cut a lonely figure and mumbled through an inauguration speech dripping with deceit.

On this second anniversary of that stolen election, I revisit that sunny day of national shame to expose just 12 of ED’s epic lies—his dirty dozen.

1. Lie: “We ran a free and fair election.” Verdict:A blatant falsehood. The AU and SADC observer missions confirmed it was a flawed plebiscite, starved of ballot papers in opposition strongholds and falling woefully short of constitutional and regional standards.
2. Lie: “The will of the people will be respected.” Verdict:The people’s will was sodomised. Using a paid surrogate, Sengezo Tshabangu, the regime recalled elected MPs and councillors to manufacture a two-thirds parliamentary majority it had failed to win at the poll.
3. Lie: “This is an auspicious occasion.” Verdict:The occasion was shrouded in fear. Councillor Womberai Nhende had just been abducted and bludgeoned, and Tinashe Chitsunge was callously murdered by ZANU PF thugs. The national mood was one of mourning, not celebration.
4. Lie: “We have demonstrated that we are a mature democracy.” Verdict:A childish fantasy. SADC, the AU, and the Catholic Bishops all declared the electoral process immature and illegal. A mature democracy does not recall legitimately elected representatives.
5. Lie: “Nyika inotongwa neVene Vayo (The country is governed by its owners).” Verdict:By Vene, ED does not mean citizens. He means the parasitic elite—the Chivayos, the Tagwireis, the Mnangagwa family, the Sakupwanyas—the real owners looting our national wealth through ZECgate, Goatgate, and Villagate.
6. Lie: “I will respect the Constitution.” Verdict:ED is a constitutional delinquent. He illegally extended Chief Justice Malaba’s term and is systematically decimating the democratic opposition. His 2030 choristers like Ziyambi Ziyambi are already rehearsing for another term beyond the charter’s limit.
7. Lie: “I will transform the lives of the people.” Verdict:The verdict is in the collapsed public health system, the worthless currency, and the ruined education and transport infrastructure. The lives of Zimbabweans have been transformed—for the worse.
8. Lie: “We will be food-secure.” Verdict:A hollow promise. The former breadbasket of the region was soon scrounging for donations. The World Food Programme confirmed over 4 million faced severe hunger, exposing July Moyo’s and ED’s lies.
9. Lie: “We will set up agro-based companies in the rural areas.” Verdict:A pie-in-the-sky yarn. Two years on, not a single one of the promised 35,000 village companies exists. It was another fireside tale from an old man.
10. Lie: “Our minerals will develop the country.” Verdict:Our minerals are developing a kleptocracy. As the Gold Mafia exposé revealed, the vast wealth is spirited away by ED and his acolytes. The US$12 billion mining target remains a mythical fantasy for ordinary citizens.
11. Lie: “We will modernise our infrastructure.” Verdict:A sick joke. Our infrastructure has collapsed. The National Sports Stadium, where he made this pledge, is condemned. Our national team is a homeless laughingstock, while only a VVIP airport pavilion for the elite got built.
12. Lie: “We have achieved energy self-sufficiency.” Verdict:Perhaps his most naked lie. Lights out! The nation still endures perpetual darkness, a fact hilariously highlighted when a blackout engulfed Mthuli Ncube’s budget speech. Billions paid to Wicknell Chivayo for undelivered power projects sealed the truth of this deception.

Conclusion: Liars for ED

Mnangagwa’s legacy is firmly etched in stone: the most corrupt and most dishonest leader in our history. His inauguration was not a promise of a new dawn but a liturgy of lies.

All that remains is for him to officially anoint a formal affiliate: Liars For ED (LFED), to champion his penchant for perfidy, deceit, and deception.

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