03 February 2022
Prosperity Sikhosana
To those who believe, February is the love month.
The month of February is referred to as the month of love as on the 14th day lovers world over celebrate Valentine’s day.
As will be witnessed, the day will be flooded with the colour red, the colour of love.
According to History.com, “the truth behind Valentine’s legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and most importantly romantic figure.”
But does this kind of romance or love lead to marriage?
Does this kind of love lead to a long lasting relationship between a man and a woman?
Marriage discussions are never peaceful. Of late such discussions bring anxiety and quarrels amongst parties discussing about it.
Over the past years the institution of marriage has become more of a “show” than perhaps what it is supposed to be, a long term relationship.
Nowadays marriages lack direction, reason and purpose, thus the institute has no foundation.
Basing on the increase of divorce cases taking place around the world of today, marriages no longer carry the essence of their existence.
It is interesting rather, the marriage of today differs vastly to that of yesterday.
To explain the above, the past had significantly lower rates of divorce compared to now.
In the African aspect, one never married to divorce, in the African culture divorce was a taboo.
It is for this reason, many cultural rituals were performed before a marriage was granted or celebrated.
This reporter on research spoke to an elderly lady and a pastor to find out what has gone wrong with today’s marriage.
Talking to a pastor from a Sabbath Reformed Church, Pastor Prosper Moyo has noted the foundations needed for a successful marriage.
He notes:
“But what is a marriage without the foundation of God? The Bible teaches the importance of love, faithfulness, endurance and forgiveness in a marriage. This unfortunately lacks in today’s marriage.”
To perhaps bring the reader’s memory to the marriage of the past, which we shall term as “yesterday’s”: An elder woman aged 90, Margaret Ndlovu says;
” Endulo kwakuntshontshwa, inkazana itshiye imali ngaphansi komqamelo/ emacansini. Sokuzabuya idombo elivela kwabo kajaha lifike lithi “dingelani ngapha”
” Kusuka lapho abadala sebekhulumisana ngenhlawulo abazifunayo batshele idombo. Izinto ezinjengokufohla umuzi.
Translated, Ndlovu says yesterday’s marriage began by the girl being “stolen” from her home by the boyfriend or man who intends to marry her. In that process, the girl leaves a certain amount of money under her pillow cases, blankets or mat as a sign that she has come of age.
After that, the family of the boy sends someone to let the girl’s family know of the whereabouts, thereby leading to lobola negotiations.
Perhaps one can say that all marriages are love marriages.
However, the difference seems to lie in the processes being taken or considered towards the process.
For example, yesterday’s marriage educated the girl about marriage. It usually came with lessons of how “humiliating” it is to get divorced, more of an embarrassing situation for the girl’s family.
Hence, the girl would get married knowing fully well what it meant, the fights, infidelity, endurance. However, divorce was a “no”.
Today, one would argue that yesterday’s marriage intimidated women into staying into marriages as divorce meant being laughed at by other women or the society.
Well, significantly that kind of helped in combating divorce.
Today’s marriage is extravagant. We get that it’s possibly “what every woman wishes for”.
But, why is it so badly characterised by divorce?
Pastor Moyo says,
“Nothing beats a Godly foundation. Most marriages today do not have love, forgiveness. It’s mainly an act just to get married.
“Being married means sharing responsibilities. Something most people don’t understand.”
Well, it may be said that in order to combat divorce:
-Do not marry at a young age (below 22)
-Be more forgiving-do not hold grudges for every mistake your partner makes
-commit to your relationship
-Respect your partner
-communicate regularly
-Do not try to control your partner
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