Clive Thabo Dube and John Ndlovu
Yesteryear, African females pride themselves with purity and dignity. Now the modern society is saturated with sexual immorality, drinking and smoking disorders killing cultural traces of purity.
Unlike the old generation, the millennial generation is reluctant to embrace virginity, self-respect and dignity, instead prefer to pursue earthly liberties and pleasures.
Under the slippery and vulnerable modern society, this constant flow of neglecting the yesteryear norm of “no sex before marriage” is largely influenced by the labeling theory which terms non-virgin individuals is old fashioned, uncool.
A virgin is someone who has not had sexual intercourse before and in the current century era, it is believed these individuals are rare to find. This ideology has left many feeling insecure as they get virgin shamed with stereotypes of inexperience, nativity and that lack of sexual experience extends to life experience.
There is so much downfall in this millennial culture, calling for girls to just have fun with lascivious boys who lose their way through the hustle and bustle. The desire for one to be pure is now taken to be abnormal.
“To the outside world especially at this 21th century, its something that is no longer valued, its something that is seen old fashioned/ backward. In this generation its rare to find people who are virgins and if you mention that you are one, people will not believe it or regard you as uncool and start asking questions like ‘why’ which is very funny because being a virgin used to be something valued and normal. But now it is abnormal.” Said Vongai Monica Mujakachi.
Despite hearts pumping richness, tears disguised as rain roll down on opaque faces of the ‘Ama2k’ parents whose children want to look super fly like MIKE 23 and ‘just do it’. In search of that crown to look royal in the streets not taking to mind what sleeping around brings forth in the long run.
Its interesting how virginity is said to be associated with purity, dignity, self-respect and many males want to marry virgins. Yet the society views this as outdated, uncool and old fashioned. At the same time, being a virgin has became a deal breaker for many and divorces have skyrocketed caused by dissatisfaction behind closed doors. This is because in reality, men do not go backward sexually.
An elderly female, Sinqobile Khabo said there’s a huge generation gap between the virgin heydays and the ‘follow the trend’ society. The ‘no sex before marriage’ concept only works for a few, taboos are tested and at the end shunned.
“It is difficult to say whether the youth of today believe in no sex before marriage like the old generation in the African tradition. However, it is likely that the emphasis on virginity in the past was due to the importance placed on preserving family honor and reputation, as well as the religious and cultural values of the time. In some African cultures, virginity was seen as a sign of purity and was highly valued. Additionally, premarital sex was often seen as a taboo and was discouraged.” Said Khabo.
In a survey carried out by Zim GBC News this past week, the ratio of virgin girls aged 15- 35 years stood at 2:5. Many, cited the fear of Sexual Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and pregnancy.
In the survey, letters were used to protect the identity and give privacy to the respondents.
“Being a virgin gives me confidence and safe guard myself from sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. In this 21st century it’s hard for people to believe that you are a virgin. You become a laughing stock by your peers saying nowadays who keeps their virginity and waits for marriage?.” Said A.
“It’s cool being a virgin, the reason being you are protecting yourself from a lot of things that might tarnish your future, such as HIV/ AIDS,unwanted pregnancies and so forth.” Said B.
“Being a virgin doesn’t make one uncool, it’s a way to just showcase that you reserved yourself for the right person (your husband) it’s just discipline which is good
“However we can’t really blame those who are not because circumstances differ from one person to the other. They say girls who have broken their virginity are lose well honestly 80% are. only a few are disciplined but we’ll it’s part of life and as for me I’m among the 80%, my appetite is at its peak. It’s difficult to control it, now l have sex maybe twice a week.” Said B.
Desire Tshabalala who is in his mid seventies said back in the days, elders gave a vigorous beating to lustful girls. But now that type of parenting is no more with the coming in of ‘human rights’.
According to Tshabalala this has spiraled downward the number of well cultured females.
“As a parent you caution you daughter but today youth’s have gone haywire. If you discipline your daughter, she will get you arrested. They are acting anyhow, during our time, a beating would set her straight without any law interfering. A girl is a child until 23, but now at 16 years old, you here she is a wife of so and so. At 18 years she challenges you at your own house.” Said Tshabalala.
He bemoaned the fact that when it comes to ‘the talk’ fathers of daughters are at a disadvantage compared to the mother. Sexual weirdness between fathers and daughters has always been there, hence mothers have been given the authority for sexual orientation with daughters.
When it comes to sexual intercourse matters it is often said ‘teens do not listen or get the message’. But parents have the duty to constantly communicate with their daughters to show whether they approve or disapprove and not let the media do it for them.
Gogo Belinda Gwishiri stated that while growing up her mother played a great role in her life. She equipped her with adequate ways to stay pure and keep her innocence.
“In our Shona tradition we advise our girls to safeguard their virginity as this will earn them respect from their partners and even their in-laws, so if one gets married whilst still a virgin she will be valued, trusted and respected by her husband. When we grew up we were given strategies of safe- guarding our virginity through encouraging one not to be in secluded places with her boyfriend before marriage in order to curb temptations. ”Gwishiri said.
Traditionally in the African culture grandmothers are the one’s who usually hold sexual orientation lessons for the girls.
Abazali besimanje manje (now-a days parents) can not entirely be blamed for losing cultural traces of purity. Nor can we place all the blame on the millennials who live recklessly with the “You Only Live Once” (YOLO) mantra. The modern society is largely being romanticized by the entertainment industry which indoctrinates individuals to explorer and follow depicted lifestyles of Hollywood, Naija, Amapiano, Netflix and many other foreign culture.