Brunette Tshuma
www.zimgbcnews.co.zw
In an African culture, a woman’s virginity was and to some extent still is, her pride, a commander of respect and a revealer of character in the society.
Giving respect to both the lady and her parents, a lady’s status at marriage was and maybe still one crucial aspect to be discussed.
The disregard of customs which value such virtue in a woman in today’s society, has unfortunately left many households shattered.
Desperate to be trusted by their spouses, women have however been met by a sickness unto which they can not offer a cure, the lingering question of;
“Who broke my wife’s virginity?”
While women swear to never tell, testimonies from married man reveal how this unanswered question remains a bridge between them and their spouses.
Proving this and taking chances was one man who decided to liberate himself in a church service
“Prophet, ini ndoda kuziva kuti akabreaker mudzimai wangu virginity ndiani..chete” asked the man.
I want to know who deflowered my wife
This uncertainity in man has become a fungus, eating away trust and confidence in many couples, leaving man to cover their mistakes by uttering;
“NGAKUTHOLA ULIGABHA”
Worsening the situation, is today’s livelihood where sexual intercourse has become nothing more than a” flex”, stripping it of it’s sacredness.
A lady’s virginity has been reduced to nothing more than a ” token of appreciation” in many relationships, leaving one to wonder of the later consequences.
Young girls are now losing their virginity prematurely, at adolescent stage, turning men’s dreams of ” marrying a virgin” to nothing but a fairytale.
Whereas the older generations emphasised this dignifying part of a woman through some cultural rituals, neglegence of such practices have rather came at a greater cost.
“Thina ngesikhathi sethu sasikhangelwa (we were tested) every June. It was disgraceful to be found not a virgin among everyone else, so we were always cautious ” said one woman
“Omkethu babesihlonipha, behloniphe lezimuli zethu, babuye bazigqaje ngathi phambi kwamanye amadoda ngoba besazi ukuthi unkosikazi uvela lapho okulabantu khona” she continued.
Our husbands would respect us, and respect my clan, they were so proud of us infront of other men
Unfortunately, little or no respect is now afforded to the in-laws these days, due to this cultural negligence.
In fear of being found out or disappointing their promising partners, ladies have rather taken initiative such as creams and herbal medicines which “supposedly” tighten their womanhood.
In many cases however, this strategy has proven fatal as trust is broken upon revelation of the cover-up strategy.
“Ungaze wenzeni, kumbe ugcobiseni, once it’s gone, it’s gone. Besides, the experience is never the same so umuntu wakho uyabakwazi and it won’t end well” she said.
Society has so reduced a woman’s virginity to be rated between “Stupidity and cleverness”
Demmed shameful and evidence that one has not “enjoyed their youth”, many ladies are now ashamed of confessing their status due to the response they get from their peers.
They simply indulge in sexual activities, unknowing what they are doing, some follow feminists who have declared that a woman can do whatever they want with their body, some indulge in alcohol to escape the reason they sleep around.
Upon marriage also, now it’s rare for the family or society to know of the lady’s status, whereas, past generational cultural practices revealed such information.
A practice which, honoured and appreciated the parents with presents, even of another cow, or dishonored them with a blanket with a hole in the middle.
Such practices however kept the generation in check and respectable.
In a society where for ladies, marriage is on great demand, a lady’s status at marriage remains one deciding factor influencing the condition and duration of the union.
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